Our Bodies— Erectile Dysfunction

The last two years have been really hard on my husband and I. Why you ask? It is because my husband is Impotent he has erectile dysfunction. That all male dreaded word that should never be spoken… You probably are asking why doesn’t he use Viagra or Cialis or some other medical treatment.  Well, He can’t they don’t work unless he gets surgery to put in a prosthetic and he really doesn’t want to do that. We have tried other treatments He gets semi hard then loses the erection we tried the pump he says it hurt him ( and truthfully after sitting their waiting and pumping and waiting and hoping it doesn’t hurt when you get the band on it can be painful and a turnoff).

I went through all the stages of grief Denial, anger, blame/bargaining, depression,   acceptance. I am now at the acceptance portion of the grief I will never ever feel my husband that intimately again. I am now trying to find an intimacy that we can do to feel closer together.Finding that intimacy with a difficult man is very challenging. Yes my husband is the most stubborn person I know besides myself. I don’t think he has made it through all the stages yet and I really want to feel that closeness we used to have. So I have been looking through all the stuff on erectile dysfunction and  How to find intimacy with your partner. The biggest thing that stood out was to explore each others bodies. Trying to do that when the other person still feels very self conscious is frustrating. But I really am trying to be patient.  I want to explore and feel him explore but only time will tell.

New Years Resolutions

I hope everyone had a happy holiday and is going to drive safely home.

I have made a few resolutions.

1. Lose weight with exercise and eating better.(My first book I wrote is a Exercise food journal with Exercises included.  Not something I can give away though seeing that the pictures are not mine but if I look better I will modify the pictures with my own and give it away as a PDF or something.)

2. To Blog at least once a week ( I am just not the writer type but I have a blog and it is my responsibly to use it).

3. To make a book of shadows by hand. ( I made my first book just yesterday,printed it out and well its not a book of shadows but at least I am over the hurdle of I don’t know what I am doing to I can improve on this probably should right a blog about how I did it and what it is about with pictures).

4.  To get my Garden in tip top shape with the help of my family.( I always feel overwhelmed when summer starts because the weeds and bugs can get out of control but I have figured out how to take out the weeds with vinegar and use a mosquito net for the bugs.)

5. Finish my Green house.  I started a Green house but it is still unfinished. I need to fix my design. It flopped over in the wind. Will probley sink some 4 x 4 s down in the middle of it and either strap the greenhouse to them.

6. Finish making my mothers poncho, and knit all my nieces and nephews something especially just for them. so that they will have a piece of me and something really nice that would cost a lot of money otherwise.

7.  Stop reading so much. YES this is my addiction. I need to ween my self away I can read about a 400 page book in a day and I really need to do other things.

8. Start building my house. Yes I am building my own house from the ground up. I need a bigger place that has two regular bedrooms and family bathroom,  a master bedroom with master bath, bookshelves everywhere, Large walk in closet, Nice large kitchen, living room, dinning room and breakfast nook, also this house is going to have a fire place need it for when the power goes out.  I will probley only get the roof and the bedrooms in the first six months due to the fact that I work 40 hours a week but it is better than nothing.

I think that is everything I really need to cover and get done this year.

Hope everyone has a great year.