IMBOLIC

Imbolic — Feb 2nd 2013–

What are you going to do this Imbolic? Me personally I am going to sleep most of the day I have to work unfortunately, yet this will not stop me from do somethings.

When I get home this year I am going to light a candle. White (represent purity, purification, protection against negativity), orange(represents Charm, kindness, encouragement, stimulation, optimism, success, abundance, prosperity), Gold (represents  creativity, male energy and the sun) and Yellow (represents knowledge, vitality, Confidence, joy, cheerfulness, learning, mental clarity, concentration candles are supposed to be the best.   Can’t light many in my small home. This is the symbol of the light returning not just the sun but our inner light because as the sun returns we feel better about going out side and celebrating nature away from the cold .

Around this time of year is when the milk starts flowing. Some animals getting ready to breed and getting ready for Spring. In my area of the United States the Male Cardinals are Bright red now. I am going to put out a loaf of bread covered in peanut butter for the birds and other animals that may be struggling in my drought beaten area. Fill up the trough of water that is in the ground.  I on the other had am going to have a cup of Hot Chocolate and dream about the house I am going to build so that I will have a fire place and more room Hopefully by next year.

On my day off I plan on cleaning the house from the ceiling down to the floor. Usually I would do this on the 2nd but since the weather has been warm I am going to do it with the windows open and get every speck of dust and mold out of my house. ( I know that is not totally realistic but that is how I see it as a cleaning ritual).

This is also the start of the maiden cycle of the year.

Our Bodies— Erectile Dysfunction

The last two years have been really hard on my husband and I. Why you ask? It is because my husband is Impotent he has erectile dysfunction. That all male dreaded word that should never be spoken… You probably are asking why doesn’t he use Viagra or Cialis or some other medical treatment.  Well, He can’t they don’t work unless he gets surgery to put in a prosthetic and he really doesn’t want to do that. We have tried other treatments He gets semi hard then loses the erection we tried the pump he says it hurt him ( and truthfully after sitting their waiting and pumping and waiting and hoping it doesn’t hurt when you get the band on it can be painful and a turnoff).

I went through all the stages of grief Denial, anger, blame/bargaining, depression,   acceptance. I am now at the acceptance portion of the grief I will never ever feel my husband that intimately again. I am now trying to find an intimacy that we can do to feel closer together.Finding that intimacy with a difficult man is very challenging. Yes my husband is the most stubborn person I know besides myself. I don’t think he has made it through all the stages yet and I really want to feel that closeness we used to have. So I have been looking through all the stuff on erectile dysfunction and  How to find intimacy with your partner. The biggest thing that stood out was to explore each others bodies. Trying to do that when the other person still feels very self conscious is frustrating. But I really am trying to be patient.  I want to explore and feel him explore but only time will tell.

Perceptions

What is up with People(Adults, Teens, Men and Women ? I have been stewing for days wondering why we aren’t banding together? I just don’t understand how Adults and teens can allow things to happen that they see with their own eyes. People need to start standing up and speaking out. If they see something happening record it. Call the Police give them the information. Just don’t watch brush it off and say its not your problem. When it is… It really Is… Now I know your wondering what in the world I am talking about. I want you to really think about this. It is everything immoral… Everything that you wouldn’t want to happen to you… Everything that you wouldn’t want to happen to the most loved person in your world… It has to do with Violence, murder, rape (rape being anything that was not consented to that could have happened while drugged, a sleep, awake, a child unable to stop it), Rumors whether true or not true(Shouldn’t be re said or some one should discreetly go up to the person inform them and say that they are there to help or there to help stop it.), Bullying, the mentally ill (this really needs to be addressed to many mentally ill that can hurt people are out on the streets instead of in an institution to keep themselves as well as others safe), brutality against gays or people of color or nationality.

Too many children, Women, Teen girls are being violated. India has the idea.. We need to protest the violence against Women, Children, and others. The United states in no exception. We need the Violence against women act. But is it going to pass? Probably not since the Rich White GOP men on Capital hill think women are a just there to procreate.  They are more for taking our rights to abortion and contraception. They also want to violate us by sticking probes inside our vagina. When a man has to go through what we go through I will be all for it until then it is not there business. They need to stay out of  privacy and work on laws to protect our most vulnerable people. Examples are the woman in California Raped by a man she though at first to be a boyfriend while she slept woke up to find it was not the court said that since the boyfriend wasn’t a husband a case of mistaken identity rape was thrown out. Another case is the High school football team in  Steubenville that roofied a girl then dragged her everywhere and raped her several times in their car to throw her on her front lawn when they where done Then post the pictures and everything else on the web; yet these people think it is the girls fault I think not especially since she is underage. Just glad that Anonymous brought it to everyone’s attention. How much more violence do we need to stop this from happening.  It saddens me, scares the crap out of me that this may happen to me, my daughter, my mother, my sisters, or any male member of my family.

Me personally am fed up with this..  I talked to my children about it. Told them it was never right to do anything above. Talked to my son about it the rape by the high school kids. This should never happen. Should never happen in this day and age.  And I hope everyone takes a stand if they see this happening even if they have to contact the FBI in order to get it taken care of..

I feel I need to give my verbal support to all those that have had this happen in the present, have seen something like this happen and don’t know what to do. Just make your self think if you are feeling as if this is not right then help the person it is happening to. Either by calling the cops, grabbing the person and taking them out of the situation even if that mean taking them to the hospital for their own good saying it was rape and who did it. Calling parents anyone with authority don’t be afraid to be the odd person out if you don’t feel uncomfortable with what is going on.

New Years Resolutions

I hope everyone had a happy holiday and is going to drive safely home.

I have made a few resolutions.

1. Lose weight with exercise and eating better.(My first book I wrote is a Exercise food journal with Exercises included.  Not something I can give away though seeing that the pictures are not mine but if I look better I will modify the pictures with my own and give it away as a PDF or something.)

2. To Blog at least once a week ( I am just not the writer type but I have a blog and it is my responsibly to use it).

3. To make a book of shadows by hand. ( I made my first book just yesterday,printed it out and well its not a book of shadows but at least I am over the hurdle of I don’t know what I am doing to I can improve on this probably should right a blog about how I did it and what it is about with pictures).

4.  To get my Garden in tip top shape with the help of my family.( I always feel overwhelmed when summer starts because the weeds and bugs can get out of control but I have figured out how to take out the weeds with vinegar and use a mosquito net for the bugs.)

5. Finish my Green house.  I started a Green house but it is still unfinished. I need to fix my design. It flopped over in the wind. Will probley sink some 4 x 4 s down in the middle of it and either strap the greenhouse to them.

6. Finish making my mothers poncho, and knit all my nieces and nephews something especially just for them. so that they will have a piece of me and something really nice that would cost a lot of money otherwise.

7.  Stop reading so much. YES this is my addiction. I need to ween my self away I can read about a 400 page book in a day and I really need to do other things.

8. Start building my house. Yes I am building my own house from the ground up. I need a bigger place that has two regular bedrooms and family bathroom,  a master bedroom with master bath, bookshelves everywhere, Large walk in closet, Nice large kitchen, living room, dinning room and breakfast nook, also this house is going to have a fire place need it for when the power goes out.  I will probley only get the roof and the bedrooms in the first six months due to the fact that I work 40 hours a week but it is better than nothing.

I think that is everything I really need to cover and get done this year.

Hope everyone has a great year.