Since I seem to be on face book more than here I decided that it would be nice to do a group of sorts. Hope you all join me.
I hate trying to lose weight. All I can say is this last year I have been the laziest person around. I eat right but I love my sweets so I am constantly eating too much. I am going through the Atkins low carbohydrate system so far I have lost a few pounds. But feel my husband is not helping me but sabotaging me. He too need to lose weight and know this. His health is horrid with diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, etc. I love him very much but I don’t feel like he is on my side. I have been having to make my own food just so he doesn’t throw in carbs such as pasta, or bread on to my plate. He usually makes all the food, but lately I just don’t trust him with my health and I should be able too. Why is it the one we love feel that when we try to make ourselves healthier that we don’t love them and are trying to find someone else. Yes that is directly out of his mouth not in those exact words but you get the point. I need him to see it from my point of view. I need to lose weight. I need to be more out going if I am to beat this depression to dust. I need to see my husband try to make himself healthier( although I can live with what ever he choses I will support him in his choices). I need to be able to walk outside my front door and not have everyone telling me I am fat and need to lose 75 lbs. I know that isn’t really all that heavy compared to some people.
I think this is about my self esteem, me in general, getting older is not for the faint at heart, sometimes I wish I was my younger self because I didn’t have all these aches and pains, varicose veins, wrinkles, white and gray hair. Heck I even know I am not that old being only 36. Yet, I feel much older. I remember when I would ride my bike everywhere now I can’t even get down my drive way with out panting. I don’t expect to myself to be younger though just be able to ride my bike to town if I want or walk about 5 miles and not pant and have to sit after walking half a mile.
I will need to sit down with my husband and tell him my feelings. Writing down thing always put everything into perspective.
It feels as if the year has just passed me by that I am getting older by years in a matter of days. It is just so strange to think that I have a 15 year old son and an 8 year old daughter and both are getting ready for school. They both start tomorrow. One is going to be shell shocked because up until this year he has been home schooled and I am now sending him to a brick and mortar school. I think he just doesn’t understand his responsibilities and is hiding behind my skirts to get away from them or thinks that he can get around them some how and hide. These last few months have been about playing on the computer and seeing if he can get away from his home school work. I warned him now he has to face the music. Hopefully he will do as he is told.
My daughter can’t wait she is the social butterfly of the family the one that needs friends. Whom is out going enough to say mom I think I need to stay back a year so that she can learn to speak properly after having surgery on her tonsils to remove them.
Life move on day by day. But if feels like water slipping through my fingers. But on word we trot toward the morning star.